Thursday, August 16, 2007

First Love Never Dies

I have thought about writing you long time ago to seek advice online but I think I do not have enough strength then. Or it might be because I do not know what exact words to say. But now, I think I really need to release what I am feeling inside.

I am married now and I only have one kid. All is well between me and my family until one day; I accidentally met Mr. Shy Boy again after 20 years of not seeing and hearing from each other. He has been my classmate in college and my very first love. We immediately exchanged contact numbers. Sometimes, we would call and text each other and I think that there is nothing wrong with it.

But to be honest with you, since it started, I felt like I have entered into a warb that brought me back to our college days. I felt like my feelings for him came back especially when he called me one day to let me know that I am still special to him. He wants us to meet so we can talk about what happened then and why the relationship failed.

My problem is that I do not know if I should meet up with him. My longing to meet him again is becoming much more intense as days go by because I also want to have closure. This bothers me so much and sometimes, I come to a point where I would see myself crying over his memories and over our old romance. Do you think it’s okay if we would keep in touch with each other for old time’s sake? Are we not becoming unfair with anybody? Please, I need you advice on this matter. Hope to hear from you soon. - Dilemma


It is undeniable that First Love will always be something special to every person. The sad fact is that, most of the time, it was a failure. One of the reasons why it fails is that both people involved are still too young then and immature. Of course it leaves memories that one would always ponder upon even when he has already matured and has found another person to love.

Seeing each other again after 20 years can definitely rekindle the affection that you once had for each other. No one and nothing can change the fact that he was your first love and that makes him so unforgettable and special. But then, another thing that we could not change here is the fact that both of you had your chance before and there is no way that you can bring back the hands of time.

What’s important now is that both of you are already married. You are a married woman. On the other hand, he is a married man. Both of you now have your own families to take care of and protect. It will do you both good if you bear these things in mind. There is nothing wrong if you would still contact each but only if it’s for the sake of friendship and other than that, nothing else.

Now, if you think that there are other reasons why the two of you would want to keep in touch with each other aside from friendship, I would suggest that you keep yourself from it as there is a risk that both of you would only become a temptation to each other. If you could have the resolve, avoid him for the meantime until the time comes where in you could both be sure that it’s all platonic. It will best to avoid meeting up with him while you are still emotional.

It maybe painful to say this but past is past. We cannot change that. We cannot bring that back no matter how we long to. There are just some things in life that you would need to let go to allow the harmonious existence of the most important people around you; your very own family. It would not matter anymore if both of you still have feelings for each other. The circumstances that allowed these feelings in the past are now in need of an ending in order to give yourself the chance to move on.

Now, after realizing one day that you can already handle his presence and if there are really important reasons why you and he should meet; then, go on. You could even set a time to have a cup of coffee together and talk about what could have been and what you've had for each other before without taking your mind off from the fact that you can no longer pamper that special feeling for each other. The only reason why you would be doing that is for both of you to attain freedom and peace among your inner selves. But never ever attempt to do this when you know that you do not have the resolve to control your emotions.

Being married requires sacrifice and even self-denial so as not to disrupt the lives of the people that you love now and who love you, too. Again, I will say, one of your duties as a married woman is to protect your family and try not to do anything that would risk that harmony you're having together. The best thing that you can feel right now for your first love is to be happy for him and for his family. That is also what he should feel for you.

Whether first never dies or whether it does, always remember that having your own family now means that you have already chosen to move on a long time ago and let go of your first love. I am advising you to focus on how things are today rather than what they are in the past.


Anonymous said...

Thank you very much. It was so touching.

Summer75 said...

I also have the same sentiments as the one who seek advice last Aug 16, 2007 on first love never dies. I met mine when I was 13. It was me who first fell for him the very first time I saw him. We were introduced after sometime thru common friends. I know he already learned of my great crush on him then. But it broke my heart coz he has a girlfriend and for him it seems I don't exist. After a less than 2 years to my surprise, he started to court me. I was very happy but in my mind I know he courted me only because he knew of my great crush on him. His courtship was on and off for almost 4 years. And even though I loved him so dearly I did not gave him the chance to be my boyfriend and looked for signs that he courted me not because he knew of my feelings for him but because he also learned to love me. But in one of those times of his courtship, a news came to me that he eloped but the girl's parents did not approved of it so he was separated with the girl. That incident really broke my heart. After that incident, he courted me again and was more persistent and said sorry for the imature thing that he did. Yes I know my love for him did't change. Even though in my heart, I know I have been loving him so dearly for almost 5 years, I still did not gave him the chance to be my boyfriend. He continue to court me when I reached college but I met someone and fell in love with him easilly. Now, he is my husband and he was also the only boyfriend I had. Yes I was not able to tell my first love my real feelings for him before and that I really fell in love with him so deeply. My husband and I get along so well and I love him very much. But this first love of mine still continue to be a part of me. For 33 years he continue to check on my life thru our friends. I don't know why. I thought I was just one of the girls he was courting before. But I regret the fact that I was able to tell him how he stood in my life before. I have been wanting to tell him all. An last year, we had the chance to lay our cards. I was able to tell all an to my surprise I didnt know I was too special for him and that he also fell in love with me so much. He also told me he won't ever forget me for the rest of his life and that he never felt the love he felt in me to other girls he met. I told him I no longer love him its just that I know he has the right to know my real feelings for him before. I am glad we are friends. One time we even went out with my husband. My husband also knew all. My first love and I both know the love will remain and stay. We will leave it at that. Yes past is past but those memories for me will forver be treasured. And he has a part in my heart that no one can replace not even my husband. He still continue to keep in touch through phone calls. I know too well my limitations. He no longer is a part of my future. It is my husband and my family who are the most important persons to me now. I am just blessed that God gave me my first love and also loved me the way I wanted which in the first place I did not expect even though we did not became a couple before. Maybe that is the reason why I won't forever forget my first love. BecauseI know in my heart that love I experienced with him is so pure and innocent which I will forever remember.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to your situation. My first love courted me but I didnt have a chance to tell him how special he is to me then. For so many years he still kept in touch despite the fact that both of us are happily married now. It was just last year after 30 years that I was able to tell him my real feelings for him before. My problem is after telling him he often call me and check on me and sometimes even saying that he regret that we did not end up together. I think it is quite awkward that he still tell me those things. I reminded him that we have a different situation now and that my purpose of telling him all is just to let him know who he was in my life before. Now, I don't answer all his calls. I'm afraid he might misinterpret my actions if I entertain all his calls. But yes up to now, he is still very special to me no matter what and I know there is a part of my heart that is only for him. But as what I have said, we have different lives now. What remained are just beautiful memories that both of us will treasure.

Mike said...

First Lover Never Dies....emmmmm...not much can upload my comment here, 'coz as a single parent I have to look for a substitution resembles my first lover. I know you won't agree, isn't it?

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