I have thought about writing you long time ago to seek advice online but I think I do not have enough strength then. Or it might be because I do not know what exact words to say. But now, I think I really need to release what I am feeling inside.
I am married now and I only have one kid. All is well between me and my family until one day; I accidentally met Mr. Shy Boy again after 20 years of not seeing and hearing from each other. He has been my classmate in college and my very first love. We immediately exchanged contact numbers. Sometimes, we would call and text each other and I think that there is nothing wrong with it.
But to be honest with you, since it started, I felt like I have entered into a warb that brought me back to our college days. I felt like my feelings for him came back especially when he called me one day to let me know that I am still special to him. He wants us to meet so we can talk about what happened then and why the relationship failed.
My problem is that I do not know if I should meet up with him. My longing to meet him again is becoming much more intense as days go by because I also want to have closure. This bothers me so much and sometimes, I come to a point where I would see myself crying over his memories and over our old romance. Do you think it’s okay if we would keep in touch with each other for old time’s sake? Are we not becoming unfair with anybody? Please, I need you advice on this matter. Hope to hear from you soon. - Dilemma
Advice:
It is undeniable that First Love will always be something special to every person. The sad fact is that, most of the time, it was a failure. One of the reasons why it fails is that both people involved are still too young then and immature. Of course it leaves memories that one would always ponder upon even when he has already matured and has found another person to love.
Seeing each other again after 20 years can definitely rekindle the affection that you once had for each other. No one and nothing can change the fact that he was your first love and that makes him so unforgettable and special. But then, another thing that we could not change here is the fact that both of you had your chance before and there is no way that you can bring back the hands of time.
What’s important now is that both of you are already married. You are a married woman. On the other hand, he is a married man. Both of you now have your own families to take care of and protect. It will do you both good if you bear these things in mind. There is nothing wrong if you would still contact each but only if it’s for the sake of friendship and other than that, nothing else.
Now, if you think that there are other reasons why the two of you would want to keep in touch with each other aside from friendship, I would suggest that you keep yourself from it as there is a risk that both of you would only become a temptation to each other. If you could have the resolve, avoid him for the meantime until the time comes where in you could both be sure that it’s all platonic. It will best to avoid meeting up with him while you are still emotional.
It maybe painful to say this but past is past. We cannot change that. We cannot bring that back no matter how we long to. There are just some things in life that you would need to let go to allow the harmonious existence of the most important people around you; your very own family. It would not matter anymore if both of you still have feelings for each other. The circumstances that allowed these feelings in the past are now in need of an ending in order to give yourself the chance to move on.
Now, after realizing one day that you can already handle his presence and if there are really important reasons why you and he should meet; then, go on. You could even set a time to have a cup of coffee together and talk about what could have been and what you've had for each other before without taking your mind off from the fact that you can no longer pamper that special feeling for each other. The only reason why you would be doing that is for both of you to attain freedom and peace among your inner selves. But never ever attempt to do this when you know that you do not have the resolve to control your emotions.
Being married requires sacrifice and even self-denial so as not to disrupt the lives of the people that you love now and who love you, too. Again, I will say, one of your duties as a married woman is to protect your family and try not to do anything that would risk that harmony you're having together. The best thing that you can feel right now for your first love is to be happy for him and for his family. That is also what he should feel for you.
Whether first never dies or whether it does, always remember that having your own family now means that you have already chosen to move on a long time ago and let go of your first love. I am advising you to focus on how things are today rather than what they are in the past.
